As an enlightened and egalitarian boat-loving die-hard angler, I find the discrimination in the American marine world quite disturbing. We have plenty of boats that are named after glory fish: Cobia, Marlin, and Yellowfin obviously jump to mind. But why should glory fish get all the glory? Why don’t we have boats named after Perch, Pinfish, or even Striped Blenny? And don’t even talk to me about the Sunfish—egad, that’s a sailbote!

cobia boats

I can catch cobia on a Cobia, so why can't I catch perch from a Perch?

Now, I know what you’re thinking: any boat that carried the moniker of a panfish would be doomed to failure in the marketplace. But that's not true in Europe. There’s a Norwegian boat called the Goldfish, and it's no little trinket of a boat; included in their line is a 50-footer which can hit 70-knots and has an appearance that the builder calls “elegant yet brutal.” Yup, sounds like a goldfish, alright. And, it won a 2013 European Powerboat of the Year award.

Also in the running for that same award were the Flipper 670, the Minor 36, and the Merry Fisher 855. Not one of those names would survive ten seconds in a marketing meeting at an American builder. We would rename them the Killer Whale 670, the Major 36, and the Pro Fisher 855.

Before you ask me why this is important (it’s not), let me remind you that humanity’s ideals must be defended at every turn. We must ask why there’s no Guppy 6000, instead of asking why we should care (we don’t). And why don’t we have boats named after other much-maligned species, which surely have as much right to be memorialized in fiberglass as all those glory fish? I’m talking to you, Mr. Boatbuilder. What brave soul will stand up and build the Snakehead CC? Who will break barriers by creating the Leech Sport Bridge? Throw off the shackles of those closed-minded marketing directors! Ignore that focus group! Stand up for something bigger than the bottom line!

Editor’s note: apologizes for the pointless nature of the above blog. Author Lenny Rudow was exposed to large quantites of fiberglass resin fumes at the recent Miami Boat Show, and is expected to regain consciousness within the week.