Summer is right around the corner, and that can only mean one thing: getting invited to a boat party and having to meet all of your friend’s friends…and also their friends. We get it—this involves a lot of mental preparation. So study up with this helpful guide of the kind of people you’re bound to talk to.
The One Who Knows It All
Avoid this one at all costs. Have you ever seen the SNL Weekend Update clip featuring a guy who just bought a boat? Yes, it might be a little exaggerated, but this person is definitely on the same track. They’ll act like they know everything and everyone—both boat and non-boat related. Because they’re definitely an intellectual, and they’ll make sure you’re 100% aware of it while simultaneously trying to passively demean you. Just steer clear of this barnacle, they belong on the hull.
The One that Fishes
This guy isn’t really about the #YachtLife, but he still showed up to have fun. He’s an older, humble, family-friendly man that you’d see yourself spending a weekend with in Key West; however, just get ready for the long, yet somehow intriguing, story of how he caught nine lunkers in one day. It may be a little annoying, but he means well, and that’s what truly counts. He’ll ask if you want to grab a beer later that week. Say yes, he knows someone in real estate that can help you find that new apartment.
The One Who Has Never Been On A Boat
Maybe it’s because they came from somewhere boring and landlocked like Iowa, but somehow, this person has never been on a boat before. The whole concept of a "boat day" is unexplored territory for them, and they’ll be experiencing all of the wonders of seafaring life for the very first time. This is likely the friend who’s embracing each activity with newfound excitement and curiosity, so make sure to help them out and give them direction if you’re a more experienced mariner. They also might get seasick, so bring along some Dramamine just to be safe.
The One Who Comes Bearing Gifts
This passenger is a surefire favorite among the group. Probably the nicest and most considerate one, this person gets so excited after receiving an invite that they’re the first to arrive—dockside with an overabundance of food and refreshments in hand. They’ll be the one to surprise the group with crackers, cheese, grapes, mixed nuts, dried fruits, cookies, a bottle of wine, and more Trader Joe’s snacks than you’ll know what to do with. With everything packed into a massive cooler for freshness, this one definitely feels passionately about the concept of goodie bags. Nobody’s complaining, though; they’re truly a pleasure to have along for the ride.
The One Who Has To Document Everything on Social Media
This person is on a boat, and they want all their friends and family to know it. You can’t so much as start the motor without them shoving their phone in front to get a great Boomerang for the Insta story. If you’re fishing, they don’t care much whether or not they’re the one to reel in that colossal marlin that may make or break the day. As long as they get some great pics lounging on the bow, they will be perfectly content—but still try to spark a conversation, there just may be some personality under all of those Snap Stories.
The One Who’s Just There to Party
Many of us have filled this role at one point or another. Maybe they’ve got a particular reason to celebrate, or maybe they’re just trying to make the most out of their boat day experience; but one thing’s for sure: this person is just here to have a good time. They’ll be the one volunteering to pop open the bottle of Moet, take over DJ duties, and snap pictures with the social media aficionado. They’ll probably end their day dancing on top of an elevated surface (one which they shouldn’t be on, for safety reasons). Although they can be a bit of a liability, they provide much needed entertainment for everyone else on board. If you actually connect with them, make sure to get their contact info for your own get together next week.
In the end, a boat is meant to withstand everyone’s shenanigans. It’s a communal hotspot that forces a variety of people to meet and step right into the splash zone. But don’t worry, once you’re back on land it’s all over. All you have to do now is anticipate next week on someone else’s boat.